On The Down Low: A Journey Into The Lives of "Straight" Black Men Who Sleep With Men

by J.L. King

 

On The Down Low

J.L. King

Broadway Books

 

J.L. King will speak and sign copies of his book, On The Down Low, at The Haven’s “Gathering in White” on Saturday, June 19, from 11 to 1 p.m. at The Memphis Airport Ramada Inn, located at 2979 Millbranch Road, as part of the Memphis Black Pride 2004 celebration.

Despite his love for his wife and family, a desire for sex with men drove King to live a secret life to satisfy those desires. King uses this book to not only expose his own life on the “DL” but, vicariously, the many other men who live a double life, one heterosexual and one not.

King has made it clear, in his workshops, in this book and even during his appearance in May on “Oprah,” men, specifically black men, on the DL do not, in any way, want to associate with the gay community. To do so, would not only blow their cover, but be even more degrading, explaining that for a black man to be a “fag” is absolutely intolerable, incurring its own set of vile and condemnation from the community and world he is a part of. And with these words, King has set forth one major controversial issue in the black community, the gay and lesbian community and among other HIV/AIDS educators.

This book almost appears to be King’s attempt to right his wrongs to his wife (who divorced him) and family. In fact, he has made a career of workshops and speeches specifically designed to heterosexual women of color to advise them of their need to be sure the man they have sex with is not on the down low and, most importantly, that they insist that their male partners wear a condom.

And we couldn’t agree more. We’ve heard it phrased that you are having sex with every person your sex partner has slept with and vice versa. So, whether he is on the DL or not, we agree that women need to be assertive and insist on their man using a condom (or use a female condom). King also encourages the women to have HIV tests, because many women aren’t even aware their husband or steady boyfriend has infected them, not having a clue “their man” is having sex with a man (and we add, another woman who may or may not have had sex with a man on the DL). However, we do disagree with King’s stereotyping black women when he says that “all” black women want a man and will do what they have to do get a man. To keep a man, King says a black woman will deny, not complain or even allow an open relationship with another man, just so long as their marriage will stay together.

We once were told that when you take a test and the multiple choice answer has the word “all” or “never” in it, that’s the wrong answer. Not to mention, as a lesbian, well, enough said.

The hard-back book, published by Broadway Books, is a very quick read, 190 pages long. He has based his book on “hundreds of interviews, statistics, and the author’s firsthand knowledge of DL behavior.” King offers a description of various types of brothers on the DL, from “The Mature Brother,” someone you would never have a clue that he enjoys sex with men on the side and is “behind the closet,” to the “I’m Just Curious Brother,” the one who will visit a gay club and other places in the gay community, but whose immaturity can cause slipups, letting us know his closet door is ajar.

When used to empower women, this is a good book. When used to educate women and save their lives, this is a good book. When used to scare women that every man they see might be getting some male-on-male sex undercover (no pun intended), that’s not good.

By the way, we asked Anthony Hardaway, director of the Memphis Black Same-Gender-Loving Alliance, i.e. “The Haven,” why he’s bringing King to Memphis, considering all the controversy surrounding his ideas, not to mention his not wanting to be associated with gays or gay pride.

”The city of Memphis and the state of Tennessee are becoming known as the place for artists and authors of color to come and make it as an upcoming celebrity,” Hardaway replied. “We also are known as a community that greatly supports them financially, as well.

”J. L. King has a message that everyone needs to hear,” Hardaway continued. “He not only has the courage to talk about the down-low man, Mr. King went ahead and wrote a book about a topic we as a society have only whispered about at church; over the dinner table; at the beauty and barber shops, and on the telephone.”

Hardaway encouraged all - gay, straight, man, woman, black, white - to come hear King speak.

”He is telling this ‘fraternity’ secret and gets more flak from the men than the women,” Hardaway concluded. “He lets you look into the world of this secret.”

Why not come out and decide for yourself on Saturday, June 19? See you there.

(as published in Family & Friends Magazine, May/June 2004)